


Profanity Provides

by siddershow



Series: Vignettes [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Explicit Language, Humor, Multi, Swear jar, Vignette, or my poor attempt at it anyway
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-11
Updated: 2015-05-11
Packaged: 2018-03-30 01:25:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3918064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siddershow/pseuds/siddershow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which the Avengers have a swear jar.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [slashtext](https://archiveofourown.org/users/slashtext/gifts).



> This fic will take elements from Age of Ultron while willfully ignoring everything else.

No one is really sure where the water jugs came from, but one day, sure enough, they appear in the kitchen next to the coffee pot, on the game shelf in the entertainment room, beside the kiss and cry in the training room, and smack in the middle of the lab, each one stuck with a laminated paper proclaiming their function. 

"Wait, why do we have swear jars now?" Tony demands as he waves at the offending blue bottle in the kitchen.

Bruce ignores him in favor of adjusting his glasses. "I'm more interested in who put them out. I understand the  _why_ of it--you guys are no better than high schoolers--"

"Oh really, doc," Natasha smirks. "I seem to recall you having a pretty heated discussion with that reactor a couple of days ago."

The doctor flushes and mumbles something into into his teacup that has Clint leaning forward and poking him in the ribs. "Swear jar," he taunts with a cheeky grin. But before Bruce can respond to that, Steve makes his entrance. 

Post-mission Steve Rogers is an interesting sight to behold. Typically the man wakes up at dark o'clock to go running, but after missions he typically takes time to treat himself to a lie-in. Unfortunately for those around him, Steve without his morning run is both someone the rest of the Avengers avoid like the plague and watch  _very_ carefully. It's not that he's a terrible person when he hasn't had his routine endorphin rush, but rather that he doesn't fully wake up for a solid half hour after he gets out of bed. 

So when he walks into the kitchen, he also happens to hit his knee on the corner of the breakfast bar in just the wrong spot and let's out, "Oh _shit_ goddamn mother  _fucking_ walls, what the fucking _shit_!" 

When he looks up from rubbing the offending wound, it's to his friends all staring at him with shit-eating grins. 

He's so confused when they just say "Swear jar!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mario Kart becomes a _thing._

Thor has gotten used to many Midgardian forms of entertainment including Tony's Wii, but for some reason the Nintendo 64 continues to be beyond his realm of understanding.

"Why does my avatar not go where I tell him?" he demands in one day with a frown and furrowed brow. Tony, Clint, and Darcy had been solidly beating him for the last two hours. "I cannot seem to grasp the mechanics of this earlier form of the game."

Tony throws an arm around the god's shoulders and grins. "It comes with the territory big guy. Older games have less sensitive controls and you just have to get used to them! But we can go back to the newer one if you--"

"No," Thor interrupts. "If I can pilot the scouting ship of the dark elves without ever having seen one, I can conquer this antiquated technology easily."

"Woah now, we know you Asgardians have your fancy alien tech, but the one thing you don't do in my house is dis the classics. This is just not done." To prove his displeasure, Tony removes his arm from the half hug he'd been giving and moves across the room to sit beside Clint, who has been sketching drafts of what he wants his next batch of arrows to be able to do between heats.

"Oh yeah, and I heard that the whole dark elf ship thing was more you hitting things until they worked than actual skill," Darcy snarks. She'd learned quickly that she needs to stay on her toes when around the Avengers. It doesn't hold up that the youngest, non-powered, non-billionaire, farthest thing from an assassin or inspired scientist member of the tower can't hold her own against the older, superpowered, rich, genius assassins she was friends with. Her wit came naturally but quickly became important for her survival.

"I'll show you hitting things," grumbles Thor. He brightens after only several seconds of sulking and picks up his controller gamely. "Once more into the races but I demand another avatar. This ape's face is hardly worth sunburning and I'll be damned if another won't make a better voyage!"

There's a beat of silence, then-- 

"Swear jar," Clint says in stereo with Natasha who materialized in the doorway. 

Darcy, though she'll deny it till her dying day, kind of shrieks at the sudden appearance of the assassin then yells, "Where the  _fuck_ did you come from?" There's another pause before she realizes. "Shit! I mean--fuck just--oh god damn it, you do that on purpose don't you!?"

Natasha just smirks as the three men, choking on their laughter, chorus, "Swear jar."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next: Bucky, just for Sonic

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the Mark Twain quote: “Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer." Get it? Like, the quote, but also like it provides money. XD
> 
> Inspired by [these](http://greenbergsays.tumblr.com/post/118514710488/okay-but-steve-needs-to-have-a-swear-jar-and) [posts](http://dustychica.tumblr.com/post/117913386792/so-my-favorite-thing-about-tony-being-like-is-no)


End file.
